At the End of my Rope at the End of the Road...

"When you get to your wits end, you will find, God lives there."

~ Author Unknown

I know it has been almost a week since I have last written.  Like the title of this post says, I have pretty much felt like I have been at the end of my rope.  Last week was my LAST WEEK on bed rest, and let me tell you...it was probably the worst mentally.  Life was still going on around me and I was still sitting in a world by myself.


I have mentioned the importance of a support system...friends who KNOW you, your situation, and how to get a smile on your face.  I was rescued from my own self-sabotage by one of my best friends on Thursday (Thank you, Deva!!).  We took a field trip...not big, but enough to get me away from the walls I felt closing in on me.


Friday was my final Dr. appointment before being officially taken off meds and bed rest.  It went well!!  The baby sounded great on the monitor, I actually had a couple contractions (didn't feel them, but saw them on the monitor), and as a TOTAL shock to the Doc...I was dilated to 4 cm and was 80% effaced!!  Needless to say, having that progress with only 1 week off the Ibuprofen and still ON the Nifedipine, we expected to see the arrival of Taz pretty soon.


So now we are at the end of the bed rest road.  Where do we go from here?  Taz continues doing what he/she has been doing since day 1, but where do I begin the next step of this path?  The field trip WIPED me out.  After all, for 8 weeks, I barely used my legs.  I am 8 weeks behind in the "conditioning" for this marathon that could start at any minute.  As excited as I am at the prospect of seeing my baby soon, I want to make sure I have at least enough strength left to give him/her the best entrance into this world as possible.

Shifting the Focus Paradigm

"Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death."  

~Author Unknown

When I started this blog, I did it with the intention of sharing my journey of combining the two paradigms of health care and how they can work cohesively.  At this point, I can see how easy it is to slip into the "what's easiest" mentality, rather than the "what's best" way of thinking.  Yesterday we went in for the weekly BPP and this time got another measurement.  The last time Taz was measured, he/she was approximately 4 lbs. 3 oz.  Yesterday, Taz was measured at approximately 6 lbs. 10 oz.  I am 34 weeks and 4 days...Taz is growing big and strong!!

I also started thinking about the pubic symphysis pain I have been experiencing.  It has been a "nagging" pain for a couple weeks, but it wasn't until Sunday and Monday of this week that the pain had become excruciating.  What I realized last night after posting the last blog, was that I have been on Ibuprofen for weeks.  Sooo...of course it wasn't as painful as it has been over the past few days.  Getting my head back to "My" reality, it was reassuring to know that now that my body isn't being "tricked" by the ibuprofen, my natural pain relievers and endorphines will be able to take affect and the pain will subside a bit.


Looking forward to the delivery and the "freedom" I'm going to have in a few days, I'm going to be off medications that were put into place for the trauma/emergency treatment that Taz and I needed to keep him/her safe and still "cooking".  I'm also going to be off bed rest.  That means....the allopathic "Reactive" treatments are done for now.  It is time to go back to Vitalism and being "Proactive" in preparing for a healthy, natural delivery.  After all...it wasn't the medication or lack of movement that got Taz to the size that he/she is...it was INNATE!!!  


This entire time, the baby has been growing and developing without the NEED for anything to do it.  Everything else was to make sure there was enough time for the baby to develop.  Now, it is up to Taz on when he/she wants to "make a break for it" again.  This time, we will welcome him/her with open arms and lots of love!!