Home Sweet? Home....

"Seek home for rest, for home is best."
~Thomas Tusser

So, yes, I came home on Saturday.  Still having some mixed feelings, but overall excited for the next phase in this process.  My guidelines were pretty much the same as at the hospital:  I can go to the restroom, take a 10 minute shower, but other than that, I pretty much need to stay still.  I can spend some time (no more than 30 min) outside for some fresh air, and can take OCCASIONAL field trips to my parents' house (5 minutes away) to sit and perch there for the day.  Medication schedules are to stay the same, which includes alternating a couple meds every 3 hours (even throughout the night).  I set my alarms on my phone to go off every 3 hours with the meds listed for that particular time.


I started this blog not just to be therapeutic for myself, but to hopefully help any other women that may end up in my position (obviously each experience will be a little different, but someone might be able to relate to my particular journey).  Rather than bore anyone with details of the next week (to get caught up to real time), I'm going to breakdown the ups and downs of the day:


Saturday:
Ups - First car ride of the year, discharged from the hospital, first time HOME this year, get to come home to the hubby and kids, REAL FOOD for dinner, sleep in my OWN bed, hubby made dinner and was RIGHT THERE whenever I needed ANYTHING, the entire family sitting together downstairs watching TV together for the evening
Downs - Oldest turning down the mall to pretty much sit and "watch" me like I'm a ticking time-bomb, watching hubby jump up to tend to any need he thought I had even while he was eating dinner, watching hubby prepare clean the kitchen and prepare dinner without being able to help, ENTIRE FAMILY sitting during the evening with an anticipation in the air like something is going to happen with me, hubby waking up every 3 hours when my alarm went off to take meds, not being able to relax during sleep times because I was afraid of sleeping through an alarm


Sunday:
Ups - Field trip to mom and dad's house for nephew/Godson's 3rd birthday (Hubby took me to "the sitter" right after I finished getting dressed so I was there all day), spent the day with family, got to enjoy my "Mr. Sir's" birthday party (he had been asking to see me for the past week and I missed that little booger).
Downs - Watching hubby's concern all day because I'm not HOME on my first full-day out of the hospital, not being able to help set-up, clean-up, socialize during the party, having my nephew need to bring his presents to me so I can see him open them rather than wherever HE wanted to, not being able to be outside watching him enjoy his new bounce house


Monday:
Ups - Morning with hubby at work and kids at school....house quiet and I wasn't being watched, Nice lunch time visit with mom, dad, and nephew, got in a good nap
Downs - Moved my "party" upstairs by 4:00 because the oldest insisted on doing her homework on the kitchen table because she "didn't want to go upstairs" (she NEVER did her homework in the kitchen before this)...translation: "I'm not going to let you be alone in case something happens to you"


Tuesday:
Ups - Morning with hubby at work and kids at school...downstairs quiet and I wasn't being watched again, got in a couple good naps
Downs - Had to send the oldest upstairs because she attempted to do "not homework" in front of the TV (because I refused to go upstairs so early again)...translation:  "I have homework to do, but I still want to keep an eye on you, so I'm going to say it is optional in hopes that you will just let me do it down here."


Wednesday and Thursday:
Ups - Mornings spent with hubby (he was back to his regular schedule of going into work at 2:00), sleeping at night was a lot easier and isn't waking hubby up anymore, tomorrow is my first "post-hospital" OB visit and we get to see and hear Taz again!!
Downs - First frustrating and emotional days.  It has been slowly building through the week, but watching my mom rush between her errands to bring me lunch, and watch Hubby come in from running errands, bring me lunch, unload and put away groceries, clean the kitchen, make dinner, answer the door, and get ready for work...and not be able to do a SINGLE THING to help...it just REALLY weighs heavy on my heart.


Let me proclaim this right here and not:  I'M NOT SICK....I'M NOT BROKEN....I'M NOT GOING TO BREAK!!!  I'm tired of being "watched"/babysat and I'm tired of hearing, "Don't give her a hug you can hurt her".  I'm healthy and fully functional, I'm just not allowed to walk much.  I'm also not a "sit on the couch and do nothing"-type of person.  After a long busy week do I like having a day of rest?  Yes.  But....every day....all day....to not be able to make my own lunch, or put my dish in the dishwasher, or take out the trash, or dust the family room, NOTHING...I don't like having to 100% depend on other people.  I prefer to help others and have a difficult time asking for help myself.  Most moms would agree that they feel the same way.  For any of you that might have a pregnancy that takes you down a similar path, a word of advice:  Truly make the most of the hospital bed rest time, because a week of bed rest at home is more difficult emotionally than a month's worth of bed rest at the hospital!


Tomorrow is my first appointment with my OB since being home.  I hope the discipline and emotional stress will lead to a positive outcome.  I know Hubby's worry is that we will go in for a check-up and I'll need to be re-admitted again.  He feels that would be a bad reflection on his ability to take care of me.  I love that man.  I know he worries. I couldn't have asked for a more caring, strong, supportive, loving, man by my side.  He takes better care of me than I would EVER dream!  As long as he is with me tomorrow, we can handle any outcome.